REGAINING CIVILITY - ONE PRINCIPLE AT A TIME

Lately do you find other people…annoying? Do you find yourself crabbier with other people than you want to be, and more short-tempered? Are you less patient, and more judgmental? I know I am. I suspect that with the long stay-at-home period and the restrictions on in-person gatherings, we have forgotten how to be pleasant. Respectful. Empathetic. And we need to find our way back to civil human interaction.

Enter the Oshkosh Civility Project. According to their website, the Oshkosh Civility Project is a community-based effort to encourage better practices in interpersonal communication. In other words, it’s an entire town working together to be nicer to one another.

In his article on the project, author Tom Grogan discusses how working and learning from home meant less face-to-face interaction, and how that in turn changed the way we communicate, reducing social cues and normal patterns of expression. We have forgotten how to talk to each other, and we have replaced pleasant conversation with hostility and anger.

The Civility Project hopes to repair the damage and correct behavior by reintroducing Nine Principles of Civility. They include:

1. Pay Attention - Be Aware of Others & Sensitive to the Immediate Context of Actions
2. Listen Closely - Understand Other Points of View
3. Be Inclusive - Welcome All; Don't Exclude Anyone
4. Don't Gossip - Remind Others of the Importance of this Practice
5. Show Respect - Honor Others (Especially in Disagreement)
6. Be Agreeable - Find Opportunities to Agree
7. Apologize Sincerely - Repair Damaged Relationships

8. Give Constructive Comments, Suggestions & Feedback - No Personal Attacks      (Focus on Issues)

9. Accept Responsibility - Don't Shift Blame; Share Disagreements Publicly (Instead of talking about people behind their back.)

Personally, I think this goes beyond how we speak to each other. It also holds true for how we think about people privately, and how we speak about other people publicly. If we can’t show a higher regard for others in our own minds, it is likely to come out in how we interact with them in the world.

If, like me, you are struggling to remember how to treat people well, and how to be more tolerant and less judgmental of others’ foibles, please remember the Oshkosh Civility Pledge: "We build a stronger and more diverse community by actively sharing our ideas and opinions with others in thoughtful and considerate ways. By practicing this basic commitment to civility, we learn and grow from one another - even in disagreement."

I know that I can do better. I’m sure that you can, too.

Til next time, 

Ms. Nan

P.S. Thanks to Ms. Citino for the idea for this blog post!