Tuesday, November 9, 2021

REGAINING CIVILITY - ONE PRINCIPLE AT A TIME

Lately do you find other people…annoying? Do you find yourself crabbier with other people than you want to be, and more short-tempered? Are you less patient, and more judgmental? I know I am. I suspect that with the long stay-at-home period and the restrictions on in-person gatherings, we have forgotten how to be pleasant. Respectful. Empathetic. And we need to find our way back to civil human interaction.

Enter the Oshkosh Civility Project. According to their website, the Oshkosh Civility Project is a community-based effort to encourage better practices in interpersonal communication. In other words, it’s an entire town working together to be nicer to one another.

In his article on the project, author Tom Grogan discusses how working and learning from home meant less face-to-face interaction, and how that in turn changed the way we communicate, reducing social cues and normal patterns of expression. We have forgotten how to talk to each other, and we have replaced pleasant conversation with hostility and anger.
The Civility Project hopes to repair the damage and correct behavior by reintroducing Nine Principles of Civility. They include:

1. Pay Attention - Be Aware of Others & Sensitive to the Immediate Context of Actions
2. Listen Closely - Understand Other Points of View
3. Be Inclusive - Welcome All; Don't Exclude Anyone
4. Don't Gossip - Remind Others of the Importance of this Practice
5. Show Respect - Honor Others (Especially in Disagreement)
6. Be Agreeable - Find Opportunities to Agree
7. Apologize Sincerely - Repair Damaged Relationships

8. Give Constructive Comments, Suggestions & Feedback - No Personal Attacks      (Focus on Issues)

9. Accept Responsibility - Don't Shift Blame; Share Disagreements Publicly (Instead of talking about people behind their back.)


Personally, I think this goes beyond how we speak to each other. It also holds true for how we think about people privately, and how we speak about other people publicly. If we can’t show a higher regard for others in our own minds, it is likely to come out in how we interact with them in the world.

If, like me, you are struggling to remember how to treat people well, and how to be more tolerant and less judgmental of others’ foibles, please remember the Oshkosh Civility Pledge: "We build a stronger and more diverse community by actively sharing our ideas and opinions with others in thoughtful and considerate ways. By practicing this basic commitment to civility, we learn and grow from one another - even in disagreement."

I know that I can do better. I’m sure that you can, too.

Til next time, 

Ms. Nan

P.S. Thanks to Ms. Citino for the idea for this blog post!


Tuesday, October 5, 2021

HAVING A BAD DAY? I UNDERSTAND!

Have you ever read Judith Viorst's Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad Day? It's
the story of a young boy whose day just goes from bad to worse until he wants to move to Australia, where he's sure these kinds of awful things just don't happen. Have you ever had one of those days? I have.

Last week I had a day where my water stopped working so I couldn't take a shower. I bought shoes that seemed like they fit at the store and when I got them home realized they were too small. Then I got to work and everything was crazy, and my daughter called and was upset because a customer yelled at her. And then I found out that a good friend of mine had tested positive for COVID. It was the kind of day I nicely refer to as "not enough chocolate" and not nicely refer to as "crap-tastic."

What makes it a bad day for you? Did you start your math homework thinking you were supposed to answer the questions that ended in 6, when the syllabus said to answer the questions ending in 4? Did you forget to call your English classmate until the day before the assignment you were supposed to work on together was due? Did your best friend ghost you in the cafeteria? Can you just not figure out how to do that dance move the teacher showed you? Is the coach on your case because you're a step too slow? Did someone say something nasty about your hair/clothes/sister? Do you just want to move to Australia?

The reality is, we all have those days. Other kids, your parents, your teachers, your coaches - everyone. Sometimes it seems like we rolled out of bed on the wrong side, and other days it seems like the universe is out to get us. Do you wonder if there are things you can do on days like this to make the world seem less awful? Here are a few suggestions that are easier, faster, and less expensive than that plane ticket:

  • Find a non-judgmental ear to vent to. This could be a parent, grandparent, aunt/uncle, sibling, friend, friend's parent, teacher...anyone who is a good listener. Sometimes just having someone to hear about it, nod, and say it's going to be okay is the best medicine. A hug can also be good if they're nearby.
  • Try meditation. There are lots of apps and podcasts that can help you learn to meditate (some are free). Meditation helps you to keep you grounded and mindful and less likely to focus on what else can go wrong.
  • Listen to music. Few things can lift your mood like a favorite song or album. As an old person, I find that Jimmy Buffett makes me want to smile and dance. You may like Arianna Grande. Take your pick.
  • Settle in with a good book. It's okay to take 20 minutes and read for pleasure if it eases your stress and helps you to relax. Then read some more after you've finished your homework.
  • Cook something. If you enjoy food or just like experimenting, trying a new dish or baking a favorite recipe can be a great way to decompress.
  • Exercise! Take a walk, ride a bike, lift weights - just move! Moving releases stress like few other activities.
  • Find something to be grateful for. This one can be hard on particularly bad days, but it does help. On my very bad day I was grateful that my friend was fully vaccinated so not likely to get too sick. And later I was grateful that my water came back on. And then I was grateful that I had chocolate to eat.
If you struggle with how to handle the tough days, ask the adults in your life for suggestions. They may have strategies to try that they just don't realize they're using. Your friends and teachers might also have ideas. If your day is particularly awful make sure you reach out to someone - being alone in the awfulness can make it worse. 

Remember, no matter how bad it seems, tomorrow is another day. A day that is likely to be less horrible and less terrible, where your shoes fit and the water is hot and plentiful. 

Until next time,

Ms. Nan

Thursday, February 25, 2021

EXECUTIVE FUNCTION #2 - COMPLETING TASKS & ACHIEVING GOALS

Some students have trouble starting assignments and projects, but other students have trouble finishing them. Not all experts agree that task completion is an executive functioning
skill, but some do, and I would have to agree. I especially like what the Smart but Scattered Kids website calls it: “Goal Directed Persistence.” I suspect that one of the main reasons that gifted students struggle so much with this trait is because, well, they haven’t had to struggle a lot. Persistence is like a muscle that you work and develop. If your homework has never been difficult or has rarely taken you more than 15 minutes to complete it’s very likely that you have never had to put forth much effort, experience frustration, or overcome obstacles – so this muscle is underdeveloped. How do you learn to do this?

The first thing you might want to do is set goals. Do you want to improve the score on your next math quiz? Do you want to turn in your assignments a day early next week so that you can have a day off? Are you working on completing all of your assignments? Sometimes completion is THE goal, and that’s fine.

Now envision the outcome you want to see. Do you see a 92% on your math quiz? Is your English instructor writing you a note on the improvements in turning in assignments on time? Are your parents taking you for ice cream because your work is complete?

Next, identify obstacles for completing the project or reaching the goal. Lack of time in your schedule? Too many distractions? Is the work difficult and you need help? When you get frustrated do you say, “It’s too hard!” and give up?

Now that you’ve thought about the roadblocks, create a plan for addressing them. If time management is the problem, visit Ms. Nan during her office hours on Thursdays to work through strategies. If you are easily distracted, review your digital distractions handout (also on the website) to review tips you can practice, or talk to your family about creating a better work environment. If you need help with the content, talk to your instructor or go to help session to speak with a tutor.

If you get easily frustrated and it makes you want to give up, remember – you can’t do this YET. Yet is a big deal. You’re still learning, but if you keep at it you’re likely to get where you need to go. Sometimes you just need to take a short break and come back to whatever is causing you problems; sometimes you need to move on to the next step or assignment and come back to the part that is difficult later. If you’re still stuck, remember to reach out for help.

Remember not to try to do too much at once. This is likely to lead you to feeling overwhelmed and more likely to quit. And keep track of what you’re attempting to do and when you’re successful. It will help you to look back and see what works and what doesn’t; it also lets you see that you can complete tasks and reach goals.

It always helps to share what you are trying to do with others. Letting someone know what you’re attempting is a great way to hold yourself accountable and follow through. If you’re sharing this with your family, you might want to also think about a reward system. Finished the math homework? There’s a bonus half hour of funny YouTube videos. Wrote your English essay? Video chat with your best friend. Whatever works for you, find a way to acknowledge that you set a goal, persisted, and completed the task. That’s one well-developed muscle you’ve got!

Until next time,

Ms. Nan

alankazdin.com/developing-persistence/

healthskills.wordpress.com/coping-skills/task-persistence/

medium.com/@jackiegerstein/helping-learners-develop-persistence-moving-beyond-i-cant-do-this-7920f6981359

Thursday, February 18, 2021

IMPROVING EXECUTIVE FUNCTION #1 - TASK INITIATION

Task initiation has to do with knowing where to begin and how to begin, and is an important executive function skill that can be a tough one for many students to master. Part of the reason for this difficulty is that there can be many underlying reasons why a student has trouble getting started. I saw a list that had nearly 20 reasons for poor task initiation on it!

You might think that all issues of this type come down to procrastination, but I break task initiation problems into three additional main categories: Prioritizing, planning, and perfectionism.

First, let’s talk about prioritizing. This can be as simple as “What needs to be done today?” followed by “What has to be completed first before I can complete something else?” A great way to prioritize tasks is to make a list of everything you need to do – and I do mean EVERYYHING – for, say, the next week. Next, think about when those things need to be done, how important they are, whether another project or assignment relies on something else being done first, and label each item on your list with an “A,” “B,” or “C,” with “A” being the highest priority items. Then rewrite your list with all of the “A” items together, etc. See if this helps you organize your days and week to understand what you must do first. Having a solid starting point can be the first step in initiating tasks. (If you feel like your week starts on the evening after your ATYP class, this is an excellent time to do this.) 

Some students have problems with planning. Even if they know what they need to do and what the deadlines are, they just can’t see a way or a when to getting it done – so they don’t start. What are some ways you can work around this? First, you can look at your list and think about the time you have available in your week and try to fit the pieces of your assignments into time slots you have available. This can be fun, because it feels like solving a puzzle, but also helps you knock out small chunks of homework in time you didn’t know you had. Sitting in the dentist office waiting for your brother? Read one chapter in your math textbook. Have 20 minutes between getting home and sitting down to dinner? Type up your vocabulary assignment. It might not seem like you're accomplishing much, but you are starting and that's what counts.

If you have a large assignment, break it into smaller pieces. For a project that feels overwhelming, doing just one, two, or three of the smaller chunks is a good way to get over the “getting started” hurdle and moving toward the larger pieces. Finally, think about what makes you more likely to start – getting the assignment you like least done and out of the way, or starting with something you enjoy that eases you into the parts you don’t love so much? There's no right or wrong answer for that, just choose whichever works for you.

Perfectionism is a tough one, and particularly relevant for gifted students. Some students really don’t like to begin a paper or an assignment until they think they have a perfect understanding of the assignment, or a perfect thesis statement, or a perfect plan. Since there’s no such thing as perfect, this can be a huge hurdle to getting started. So what to do? Think about starting in the middle of a paper if the beginning is the sticking point. Tackle assignments in pencil so if you have to erase it doesn’t matter. Remember, there is a difference between healthy perfectionism (I want to do my best and turn out a high-quality product) and unhealthy perfectionism (I am so caught up in getting it right that I am frozen). If you feel like you’re dealing with unhealthy perfectionism try focusing on “good enough”. If you can understand it well enough, if the topic sentence is okay, that’s when you begin.

Finally, what about just good old procrastination? Those are the “I don’t want to do it,” “I’d rather play video games,” “That will only take me 15 minutes on Saturday (even though it will take you an hour and a half on Sunday night at 10)” reasons for not starting. Is that what makes it hard to start? You can:

  • ·        Set a timer for when you will begin
  • ·        Plan out rewards for when you have completed sections of your list
  • ·        Make sure to take short breaks to keep yourself fresh
  • ·        Ask a trusted adult to help you get started if you continue to struggle. Maybe they can help you analyze the problem and see where you want to focus your efforts?

Yes, getting started can be hard but usually it’s more than half the battle. So jump off and join in!

Until next time,

Ms. Nan

Tuesday, February 9, 2021

UNNERVED BY TESTS? A COLLECTION OF TIPS AND STRATEGIES


So…you took a test, and it didn’t go well. Or you think it didn’t go well, but you haven’t seen your actual grade yet. You start to wonder – What could I have done differently? Why do I struggle with tests? It is easy for people to assume that being gifted means that you breeze through exams, but test-taking can be a concern for even the most talented students. How can you improve your test taking abilities?

First, you will need to do some self-exploration to try to discern the actual issue.

  • Do you not fully understand the material?
  • Are you unable to get through the material in the time allowed?
  • Does test-taking make you so anxious that you are unable to show your true abilities?
  • Do you actually perform fairly well on tests, you’re just sure you did poorly even when you really didn’t?

If you are having trouble with the actual material, what you need are test preparation strategies. Don’t assume that just because you’re smart that you should be able to understand content without putting in any effort. And if you’ve always done well on tests without studying and suddenly that’s not so easy – well, that’s one of the drawbacks of being a gifted student. You’ve never had to practice this skill, and now it is underdeveloped.

I like this article, hfhighschool.org/academics/guidance/academic-support/test-taking-tips/, which offers the following advice:

  • Take notes and begin to prepare for tests on the first day of class!
  • Study a little daily (or at least weekly) – continuously review material from prior lessons.
  • Attend review or help sessions.
  • Ask the instructor if certain areas will be emphasized on the test.
  • Do not wait until the last minute to begin to review notes, homework, worksheets, prior quizzes and tests, and reading material.
  • Have a quiet study space and avoid digital distractions.
  • Understand what material is the most critical; start there.
  • Create a review sheet of the of main ideas/information/formulas.

If you are unable to get through materials in a timely fashion, or feel disorganized and discombobulated, you might want to think about some test-taking strategies. Some good ones I’ve read include things like:

For essay questions:

  • Make sure to read the prompt carefully.
  • Underline key words or phrases if responding to a passage.
  • Write a brief outline or bullet points on what you want to cover.
  • Try to leave time to go back and proofread your work (crossing out and correcting is usually fine).

For multiple choice questions:

  • Think about answering all the questions you know first, then going back to the ones you couldn’t answer immediately.
  • If leaving blanks makes you uncomfortable, don’t spend too long on any one question.
  • Eliminate the answers you know are wrong, make your best guess and move on.
  • Our first thought is usually correct. Try not to overthink the answers.

For all test takers:

  • Practice maintaining focus. Losing focus during a test makes it hard to get back on track.
  • Try sucking on a peppermint or chewing gum; this works for many people.
  • Take deep breaths and try to remain as relaxed as possible.
  • Pace yourself. If timing on tests is hard for you, practice at home.
  • If you finish early and have time to review, do so.

You can read more about this at the following sites:

Finally, even gifted students have test anxiety. Scratch that, it’s possible that gifted students have even more test anxiety. Many of you have perfectionistic tendencies that like to rear their collective heads at the thought of quizzes and exams.

So, try to take a deep breath (all the way in, hold it, and then see if you can take in a little bit more, then let that breath out very slowly). Pay attention to the way you’re talking to yourself. Are you saying “I don’t know this material. I didn’t study hard enough. I know I’m going to fail.”? If so, try some positive self-talk. “I’ve done the best I can. I understand the content. I’ve got this.” Psyching yourself up is the counterattack to psyching yourself out.

And try not to get too worked up while you wait for your results; there’s no sense stressing about something you can’t undo. And if your grade comes back and it’s not the grade that you want, this is when you go back and look at the tips and strategies, learn from your mistakes, and move forward. This is what will help you become a more successful student and, more importantly, a better person.

Until next time,

Ms. Nan