Do you know all those sports movies where the coach gives
this rousing speech and asks his players to give 110% every day? The
implication is that in order to be successful we have to give it our all
EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
It’s motivational. It’s inspiring. It’s…baloney.
Movies and books are make-believe, as is the idea that
everyone has to run flat out, giving everything we have 24/7, 365 days a year in order to reach our goals and
get where we want to be. But that’s not human. That’s not real.
Gifted kids especially seem to feel this way. Many of you are
driven internally, you have big dreams and the capability to achieve them, and
that compels you forward, which is great. Many are externally driven by
families and a society who see your abilities and demand a lot. Wherever your
drive comes from, expectations still need to be based in reality. And the
reality is that everyone has off days. Kids. Grown-ups. Parents. Teachers. They
just do. You have a headache, you didn’t get enough sleep last night, your best
friend said something snarky to you in biology class. It happens to everyone.
This is true at the very best of times. Dr. Schultz and I
expend a lot of effort talking to parents about being honest with their kids
about days they couldn’t give 100%. When they make mistakes. When they failed
at things. No one’s expectation should ever be that they are firing on all
cylinders all of the time.
And now? Now we are all just muddling through, giving it
what we can, when we can. Ms. Carr heard from a speaker “we should all be operating at 75% right now to allow reserves
for emergencies.” And that sounds about right. We are all going to struggle right
now. This week in our office we missed an important deadline, are grappling
with the budget, and are completely scrambling to accomplish tasks that should
have been finished last week.
You know what else is not helping grown-ups or kids? The people
with the social media posts claiming they cleaned out the garage, knitted a
scarf, and wrote 50 pages of their new novel today. That’s great for them, but
we know that most everyone is binging Netflix and eating brownies and living in
their pajamas, and that’s okay. Don’t compare yourself to others; it’s just
fine if you are saving your energy for what’s important, which is getting
through each and every day.
Yes, we still want you to try and do your homework. Yes, we still
want you to do what you can to get along with your brothers and sisters. Yes,
it’s nice if you can help your families out once in a while when they need you
to contribute. But we also want you to show yourself grace. Acknowledge that
some days are just 75, or 60 or 50% kind of days. Ask for help if you need to.
Be kind to yourself.
If you have found a way to let go of expectations, an affirmation
to lift your spirits, or want to confess a way you are wasting your time (I am
reading tons of completely non-literary fluffy books right now), please let us
know in the comments below.
Remember, even though what we’re living through right now feels
like a dystopian novel, it’s the idea of giving 110% every day that’s fiction.
Reality is what we’ve got, and we’re going to have to be okay with it.
Until next time,
Ms. Nan
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