Finding Balance

In November, Dr. Kelly and I will be headed off to the National Association for Gifted Children's annual conference in Albuquerque, New Mexico. A few weeks ago we started reaching out to past and current students, as well as to students in other gifted programs across the state, to get answers to questions to use in our presentation, "You Just Don't Get It: What Gifted Students Wish Parents & Teachers Knew." In a series of blog posts, I'm going to share some of the themes, comments, and lessons we learned from your responses.

These are the questions we asked in our survey:

• What are some of the unique challenges you face as a gifted student?
• What do your parents do that is particularly helpful?
• What do your parents do that really does NOT work?
• If you could go back and change one thing about your education, what would it be?
• What would your ideal classroom look like?
• What’s the difference between appropriately challenging and overwhelming?
• How often is being gifted a curse rather than a blessing?

Probably the most common theme we heard in response to these questions was about balance. Gifted students struggle to find balance in many aspects of their lives - time, challenge, maturity level, just to name a few.

Many respondents talked about balancing time to do homework with time to play sports or participate in other extracurricular activities. Many times they want to just have time to play or veg out, but feel overwhelmed by either academic requirements or by other responsibilities. We know that many students have a variety of interests (multi-potentiality anyone?) but having so much going on can make it hard to say "no" and difficult to prioritize. Go time and down time seem to be a very difficult balancing act, leading to high levels of stress.

Other students discussed the balance between curriculum that is challenging and curriculum that is overwhelming. They want to learn, they want to grow, they want to bend - but they don't want to break. Even so, many respondents said that what they at first found to be overwhelming they frequently learned to conquer. This led them to develop all sorts of study and time management skills that they appreciated when they got further into high school and college. Many of them agreed that the line between appropriately challenging and just too much was very fine, and sometimes difficult to understand when you're in the thick of it.

Another aspect of balance was the difference between being a gifted kid and just being...a kid. While they want to be challenged in the classroom and have their intellect respected, many respondents also want you to understand that they were still 8. Or 12. Or 16. They're still forgetting their lunch money, or having their first kiss, or going through driver's ed just like any other kid. Sometimes it's not about being smart, sometimes it's about the normal stuff, just like everyone else. 

The asynchrony between what the brain is capable of academically and intellectually and what a student is dealing with socially and emotionally can be hard for students to navigate, a lot of times because it's hard for the adults in their lives to wrap their heads around. Sometimes adults think, "You read at an 11th grade level. Why don't your think/act/understand at an 11th grade level?" and the 8-year-old has to say, "Because I'm 8." Everyone in this situation may struggle to find equilibrium.

In all of these instances parents and teachers need to stop and ask themselves whether or not the children in their care are finding balance, while at the same time understanding that balance for one child may not look like balance to another. And that sometimes what looks like stability can be more precarious than we think. Sometimes the stresses of life and school can build up quickly, leading us to tip over. More about some of those stressors next time...