The Silence is Deafening

I recently listened to Celeste Headlee, radio host and author of We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter, give an interview on NPR. She made some wonderfully valid points about how we have lost the art of conversation, and how we talk to hear ourselves talk, not to listen with an open mind. In this day and age of people only talking to other people who agree with them, or yelling at the people who don't, Headlee's book is exceptionally timely. When was the last time you had a frank discussion with someone about a sensitive topic that was not necessarily easy, but was important?

Many gifted students are passionate about ideas, the world, social justice, dinosaurs - you name it. The fact that they care so much about virtually everything is great, and the fact that they want to share it with everyone they know is also great. What they don't know how to do - and what we need to teach them - is to engage in two-way discourse and debate so that they are not just sharing what they know, but that they are learning from others. Others who have different values, cultures, and experiences, so that conversations are a two-way street, where all of the participants gain from speaking with each other - not at each other.

Celeste's Ted Talk "10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation" specifically addresses 10 important tips for people to keep in mind to make dialogue a more satisfying experience for all the participants. Some of the most important, particularly for our students, include: don't lecture (if you don't want someone to present an opposite point of view, write a blog); don't equate your experience with theirs (it's not about you); stay out of the weeds (no one wants to know every single detail about every dinosaur, no matter how fascinating you find it); and listen (listen to understand the other person, not just to prepare a response). 

Bright kids excel at the intellectual, but not always at the social and emotional. This makes the social aspect of being present with the other person and hearing their view, and the emotional aspect of hearing not just what a person says, but what they're feeling, a particularly tricky proposition. If we can share, absorb, and teach these skills, hopefully we can go back to talking to each other, listening to each other. If we can't, she's right - the silence will be deafening.