LEARNING FROM OUR MISTAKES

Sometimes when things don’t go as planned, it’s hard to deal with the situation. It’s frustrating. It’s annoying. It makes you grit your teeth and say “ergh.”

Sunday was like that.

Students and families who went online to watch Part 2 of Dr. Kelly and Ms. Nan’s presentation on how to improve executive function skills had trouble getting into the virtual meeting. The system asked some people to provide a password – even though we did not set up the meeting to require a password.

Then when we tried to show a clip from a great YouTube video on procrastination, the video would not play correctly. And the sound faded in and out.

And there was some confusion on Ms. Nan’s part about who was supposed to talk about which sections in the presentation, which made the first slide or two she discussed a little…discombobulated.

Some days, some projects, some events, are just a lesson in frustration.

What should students take away from this experience?

• Everyone has moments when things just don’t go their way. Even adults. You might think, as a kid, that you can’t wait to be a grown up because life is bound to be easier, but obstacles and mistakes happen to us old folks, too. So be prepared for this reality.
• No matter how much you prepare, sometimes things happen that require you to think on your feet. This is known as cognitive flexibility and is an executive functioning skill. Flexible Thinking “refers to the ability to shift attention mid-task, thinking about things in a new or different way, adapting to changes, adjusting in problem solving, and incorporating new information into plans or ideas” (https://www.theottoolbox.com/executive-functioning-skills/#:~:text=Shift-,Cognitive%20Flexibility,information%20into%20plans%20or%20ideas).

Another way we showed flexibility was shifting gears and putting closed captioning on the video (thanks for that suggestion, Abe!) so that people could read the text of the video when they couldn’t hear it. Being able to change course and adapt to what is happening around you is an essential life skill. And yes, we were talking about executive function and using an executive function skill at the same time. We should get bonus points for that.

• The person you’re working with is your partner. When things go wrong it is a time to work together to find solutions, not get angry and cast blame. We could have been mad and yelled, but we came together as a team to do the best we could to deal with the issues. While Dr. Kelly presented, Ms. Nan answered emails for people struggling to get in. While Ms. Nan spoke, Dr. Kelly made sure we knew who was online with us. We didn’t take our frustrations out on each other, because nobody wins in that situation.
• If you have perfectionistic tendencies, you want to have a lot of control over every situation. You want things to go “just right.” But sometimes you just have to do the best you can with what you have to work with. Many people think that doing everything really well is the key to success, but one of the biggest keys to success is grit. And one of the fundamental traits of grit is perseverance. “To persevere means to start and continue steadfastly on the path towards any goal you set and frequently this factor alone is the difference between failure and success” (https://www.sacap.edu.za/blog/applied-psychology/what-is-grit/).

If you really want things to be perfect (and Sunday was a far cry from perfect), and you see things going off the rails, you may be tempted to just give up. To quit. And we could have done that. We could have just said, “This is too hard, we should just cancel.” But, instead, we persevered. We showed grit. And hopefully we set a good example for all of you. 

So was Sunday difficult, annoying, and frustrating? Yes. Is there a good chance that we got off that call and indulged in a lot of chocolate or ice cream or both? Definitely yes.

But the world didn’t end. We figured things out. Hopefully we learned from some mistakes. And maybe you learned from our mistakes. Which means maybe Sunday wasn’t so bad after all.

Until next time,

Ms. Nan

BREATHE IN...AND BREATHE OUT...OVER SPRING BREAK

NEXT WEEK IS SPRING BREAK!

It could be that you are really excited about spring break, or it could be that our suggestions to "rest and rejuvenate" are actually adding to your stress. Gifted students, who generally like to exercise their brains, soak in new information, and challenge themselves, frequently struggle to turn off their thoughts and actually relax.

And the thing is, everyone's idea of what actually is relaxing is different. For instance, I like to read, or cook, or take a walk with a friend. My oldest daughter loves to be outside in nature, and my youngest daughter loves to take long baths and spend quality time with her cats. Each person's recharging technique is unique to them.

With that in mind, here are some tips on fun things you might consider doing (either on spring break or just on a random Saturday) to destress:

• Deep breathing
• Meditation (regular or guided; there are plenty of free apps for this)
• Go outside
• Listen to music, any music that helps you unwind. Bonus points if it makes you dance.
• Exercise. Any exercise is good; consider yoga for that extra mind/body balance.
• Take a hot bath. Add music and bubbles to your bath if necessary.
• Laugh (comedy specials, funny cat videos, a goofy movie)

Those are fairly common suggestions. These three might either be a little harder or require a bit more thought:

• Organize

What? You don't understand what organizing has to do with relaxing? Think about it. How much of your regular daily life do you spend looking for things? How much homework have you lost? Where did your favorite pair of socks go?

Even an hour spent decluttering your backpack, closet, desk, or bedroom can help make your post-vacation weeks less stressful. If you spend an extra hour creating a system that keeps you more organized (think color coding, to-do lists, file folders, etc.), you will create even more breathing room for yourself when classes restart. This is a short-term project with long-term benefits, and spring break is a great time to tackle it.

• Try something new

Is there a craft, hobby, or activity you've always wanted try, but haven't had the chance? Would you like to learn to cook, knit, or play the guitar? Set aside the time to try something new. I like to cook to relax, but when I really want to give my mind a break I research recipes and create dishes from around the world. And YouTube and Instagram are great for teaching yourself a new skill. One of my daughters learned to crochet just by watching videos!

• Take a break from your digital devices

This one can be HARD! Set your phone, laptop, or tablet aside and find fun things to do that don't involve a screen. More and more studies show that digital devices add to stress for children, teens, and adults, so if you need to turn everything off, even if it's just for a few hours, do it. And then keep track of how you feel when you are slightly less connected. If not being attached to a device makes you itchy, restless, or irritable, you may need a longer detox. This may be a time to try the deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.

One thing you can do to stay off your device is play a board game, do a crossword puzzle, or a watch a movie with friends or family - and don't allow any phones during this activity. Make a game out of it - the first person to grab for their phone pays a penalty! You can play for candy, quarters, or bragging rights.

If you'd like more great ideas on "Stress Relief That Works," you can visit this article at the Huffington Post.

Now go! Have fun!

Until next time,

Ms. Nan

DEVELOPING FLEXIBILITY (NO, NOT THAT KIND!)

Students are used to seeing emails, reminders, and blog posts from ATYP regarding executive function. Usually we are talking to students about things like time management, organization, and task initiation because these are areas where middle schoolers are still developing and, hence, where they frequently struggle. But today we’re going to visit the issue of flexibility, an area where many people – adults, teens, and children – could use some help, and give a very specific example of how we came up with this topic.

First, I want to acknowledge Amy Sippl at lifeskillsadvocate.com, who has some great ways to contemplate and talk about flexibility and flexible thinking. Why is flexibility important? According to Amy, flexibility is “our ability to change our behavior to different contexts or stimuli in our world.” What happens if we don’t have this ability? We do the same things repeatedly (sometimes making the same mistakes), we can’t change direction, transition between tasks, or even hear different opinions. In other words, we get stuck.

How can parents and teachers help teach flexibility as a skill?

• Model listening to different sides of an argument.
• Discuss different strategies for solving problems, be they math problems or life problems.
• Read stories or books with characters who show flexible thinking/behaviors (or discuss how a character is inflexible and how that might be having a negative impact).
• Play games, especially strategy-based games like “Risk” or “Ticket to Ride,” where the ability to change direction or adapt quickly helps you win.
• Go on adventures that are new for the whole family or class; everyone having to be flexible at once levels the playing field.
• Try deep breathing or other mindfulness activities if the need for flexibility creates some anxious moments!

                                            foothillsacademy.org/community/articles/cognitive-flexibility

Why the focus on flexibility this week? As some of you may or may not have heard, WMU has been dealing with an episode of hacking in its computer systems, forcing many of the data and digital storage systems that Dr. Kelly and I typically use to become, well, unusable. In other words, it has been very hard for us to do our jobs. We have had to re-think old systems, recreate files, and select new projects that do not involve the computer. In some ways, this is similar to what we had to do during the pandemic shutdown, when there was a lot of reinventing the wheel on an almost daily basis. And this reminded us of a simple fact: flexible thinking can be hard. It’s tiring. Occasionally it invokes, if not temper tantrums, grumpiness. But…not being flexible these last couple of weeks would have meant a complete inability to run the office and help students in all the important ways that we do.

So when you’re analyzing your executive function skills and thinking about which skills you might want to focus on developing, don’t leave flexibility off your list because you think it doesn’t matter. Flexibility can be a critical skill in school, work, and life. Take time to practice, learn to go with the flow, and get unstuck!

Until next time,

Ms. Nan